Three Perfects for 1:30 in the morning

Little Furry Bugs: Death Cab for Cutie
Sodom, South Georgia: Iron & Wine
The Will of a Volcano: Cloud Cult

It is so rare and fortunate and perfect for things to fall into such a snug, wonderful place like these songs have for me today. And the best part is that all three of these bands have so many amazing songs. More perfect for another day?

Can't communicate!

Lately I've been having trouble speaking. Not literally, but my communication skills have been subpar and I'm not really one-hundred percent sure why. I will say something that makes perfect sense to me but then people look at me like I just spoke spanish. Or they end up misunderstanding it and then we get in to an argument about something that most of the time wasn't even a real difference of opinion in the first place. >.< It has been beyond frusterating for me lately and I'm definately hoping I can figure out why this is happening. Any ideas?

Hmm anyway today is Tuesday, June ninth 2009. My graduation day! Finally. And you know I'm not missing high school yet... although I imagine that probably wouldn't happen until september anyway. When I get to move instead of return to anoka high school. Hmm. There always seems to be all kinds of bullshit to take care of. Like I should edit this blog because I've already noticed about a dozen things that would give Garvey a heartattack... but I won't... because ...why?

The Day the World Went Away

Today my neighborhood was in flames. People gawked stupidly, preventing the heros from their work.
The terminator preview has the song "The Day the World Went Away". Tthe most intimately intimidating and perfect songs I can imagine for this day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f71vvCEI5yQ
Lyrics: I'd listen to the words he'd say but in his voice I heard decay the plastic face forced to portray all the insides left cold and gray there is a place that still remains it eats the fear it eats the pain the sweetest price he'll have to pay the day the whole world went away

Star Trek was absolutely fantastic. Wow. I can't talk about it other than the fact that it was PERFECT for today (and all of the time)

My day seems somewhat oriented around destruction. It's left me feeling a strange unnameable emotion. Somewhere bordering malcontent and cold. But not bad exactly. I do cry everytime I listen to said Nine Inch Nails song... which is on repeat. But in a very ...cleansing? way.
I'm terrified. I want to do something better. and more. But there isn't anything.
Na nana Naaa nana na na nanna nnnaaa

Marching Bands of Manhattan

This is a song I've gone on about on more than one occasion. But if I was forced to pick a song to listen to forever it would probably have to be Death Cab for Cutie's Marching Bands of Manhattan. It is the type of song that you can make you laugh or cry. It can relax me, inspire me, soothe me. It can serve as both background music and the type of song you listen to single-mindedly. There is a steady building -a crescendo- of sound. Layer upon layer, voice upon voice. The incredible lyrics end up repetitive in the most effective way. Honestly, I've never heard lyrics like these before. Its a strange mix of poetry and allusion. Ben Gibbard has this way of wording things that causes each phrase to sound almost profound despite its potentially mundane meaning. Except that I can't think of one mundane thing about this song. I hope you all listen to this song once. Right now perhaps? and just really listen. And maybe you won't feel as passionate. Maybe you won't even see where I'm coming from at all. But for me this song just moves mountains.

And here are the lyrics:
If I could open my arms and span the length of the isle of Manhattan
I'd bring it to where you are making a lake of the East river and Hudson
If I could open my mouth wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing and bend through alleys and bounce of all the buildings

I wish we could open our eyes to see in all directions at the same time
Oh what a beauitful view if you were never aware of what was around you
And it is true what you said that I live like a hermit in my own head
But when the sun shines again I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pin hole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
Slowly it rises
Your love is gunna drown.

What to do?

What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morn?
Aida seems like its going to be really good.
Fear and Loathing is awesome
A few FANTASTICALLY AWESOME concerts heading my way.
I'm freshly bathed! :-D
My math homework isn't done, but that's okay!
That last sentence I wrote was a compound sentence!
I'm being annoyingly optomistic!!!
I want to know what evaporating will feel like.
Why can't lucid thoughts store themselves somewhere... or automatically evolve into a story or plot?

Holiday relections

Emotions are what I've realized get people through life. For some people emotions are the horse driven cart onto which the rope they cling is tied. Kind of precarious, no? But my emotions are for me. And I like being happy. I like not feeling bogged down. I like a good cry when things are stressful. I like to sometimes feel numb and stare at the wall. I also apparently like control. Because I think most of this is in my control. But its good to not worry about the wind spooking the horse. Because getting dirty sucks, but sometimes worse things can happen when a horse is on the run then a puddle of mud.
Haha thats a bit of a cheesey metaphor. Sure its easier to control my emotions now. I'm sure Depo helps that. Not being in the middle of puberty helps. Being single helps. Having friends who aren't drama queens helps. But maybe if I had known that emotions were a surpasable obsticale in the first place many dilemmas might have been avoided? one always wonders. But I am content now!
My mom is my main exception. She irks me like NO other. I freak out easily. It actually embarrasses me how frusterated she can make me just by calling me. I don't understand it. And as much as I want to blame her for a lot of things, some of which are legitimate, I think this is all me. She can't have possible earned the sort of reactions I always seem to have. I'm hoping this is still something that will pass. Maybe just another obsticle. Take em as they come I spose.

Hopefully everyone enjoyed Easter. Family is sometimes hell. but sometimes its incredibly refreshing. I enjoyed it very much mostly. Except for when my car got scratched up and when my ear got smashed... but hey, no holiday is ever perfect.

YES!

I love to smile. I love it when I have to contain my smile because I feel like I look like a goon. I love that this has been happening to me a lot lately. I can not keep the smile off of my face. Life is unfolding before my eyes in a better way than I could ever have fathomed. I am grateful.