Shame On Us... For All We've Done. :-D

So I am home from my 'best week ever'. It really was an amazing trip. Hardly anything went wrong. I felt a bit ill Saturday morning, but I'm sure that had a lotto do with the facts that I was probably seriously underhydrated and hadn't been getting regular sleep/meals. I started to feel better pretty quickly though. For both NIN shows Jarid and I went to wait in line around noon, and the doors didn't open until a bit after 6:30. Obviously we had quite a lot of time to socialize with the people around us in line. Having so many people who love NIN in one area was pretty fun actually. Surprisingly I didn't really have interaction with anyone I didn't like. During the wait before the friday show I went and bought a deck of cards and Jarid and I played golf a lot (a game picked up via Amy Pielow during Modest Mouse earlier in the week). Brandon, a nice guy from Dallas, was our line buddy for both shows, which worked out really nicely.
Alright the shows themselves were SO amazing. On the friday show they opened with the first three songs from Broken... which I didn't notice until later but I guess a lot of people were pretty excited since Trent did play ALL of The Downward Spiral at a New York show...My personal highlights were definitely Something I can Never have, Eraser, La Mer (both nights), burn (both nights), and Lights in the Sky. I was behind a lot of various tall people throughout this show, so I had a much harder time seeing. By the second half, however I did situate myself right next to the barrier so I could sort of lean around the tall people to see. :-D Oh. they played 31 songs both nights!! Holy Shit thats a long set.
The second show was definitely my favorite, despite the fact that I was pretty much dry humped (VERY INTENTIONALLY) by a drunk fucker. I'm sorry about being the stupid vulnerable girl in the scenario, but Jarid pulled me away from that guy. Thank you. Anyway he just played SO many songs that I wanted to hear on saturday!! I loved that they opened with Home again. :-D They also played Heresy, Piggy, I'm afraid of Americans (David Bowie Cover), Metal, Echoplex, Mr. Self Destruct, and of course, Right Where it Belongs (v.2). I never thought I would see that song. Ever. It was the song that made me love NIN my freshman year when Derek Hamm showed it to me on the bus. That day I went and bought With Teeth and The Downward Spiral. I use to cry everytime I heard it, but in that really good way. I annalyzed the song for a paper in Humanities because it had such an impact on me still, two years after first hearing it.
I just remember Jarid looking at me when it first came on, and I think my mouth just kind of went slack. I didn't get it really. I sort of subconsciencely fumbled for my phone to call Laura. I started to cry, like in a tear up sort of way, but I just didn't understand. Thankfully Jarid got it on film. The show continued fantastically, and Peter Murphy came out and did a couple of really awesome songs. He left the stage during the end of the song Final Solution after giving a really nice speach about Trent. It was really awesome.
Both nights they closed with Hand that Feeds into Head Like a Hole and then Hurt. What a perfect way to finish it... and when Hurt came started on saturday night... I lost it. I just started shaking and I couldn't really see between the tears and the sweat. The most perfect ending I can imagine.
Throughtout the second show I managed to stay right up front in the thick of things, though surprisingly it wasn't as intense as I might have thought... I had a bit of space for a lot of the second half. That however, did nothing to slow my perspiration! I'm kind of proud it a weird way about how disgusting I was after that show. My clothes were all very moist. In fact, when I removed them from my bag to do laundry the next day, they were still very wet. Eww... granted its tough to say how much of that was actually my sweat... REALLY ewww.
I realize that these are details that most of you probably don't care about, but I sort of need to document them so it doesn't fade. I've never felt as content and happy as I do right now. This was such an amazing week. Thanks so much to everyone who shared it with me. You are all amazing people. From Cloud Cult, to Modest Mouse, to NIN x2. to every damn thing I did this summer. I know a lot of excellent people.

A quick update for anyone who might care...

So I am temporarily home between my Chicago trips. I am SO tired. But it was definitely fantastic. Overall, the group of people worked well in many different situations. Even when tensions started to tighten up, we managed to avoid major confrontation. We did almost not have a place to stay upon arrival at midnight due to a change in the protocol of the hotel. Thankfully, the night manager took pitty on us and aloud us to stay. :-D It was a really nice hotel too. Hard boiled eggs at the continental breakfast and everything! haha.
and well... Modest Mouse was more fantastic than I could ever imagine. And I'm almost sure I've never witnessed sooooo many drugs in one room. Aside from the many joints, and mysterious smells, I actually witness people snorting coke... Woah.
The concert ended exactly the way I wanted it to, with Parting of the Sensory, and 3rd Planet was one of the firsts! They played a lot of We were Dead, which was good because I love that album, but also tough because I don't know the lyrics to that album as well as some of the others.
Anyway I'm getting up in the morning to get my numbness looked at, then repack and do this all again for NIN. I'm so excited, and pretty overwhelmed at the thought.
I love you guys. :-D

The band.

Cloud Cult.
They make me feel good under my fingernails and in my hair folicles and on every goosebump. Watching a group seem so happy, caring, genuine, and just... loving... It is encouraging in the most bizarre of ways. Craig Minowa's lyrics are so poetic, yet so relatable. His compositions are so unique and moving. Never have I seen a band where I could laugh and cry, sing lyrics to every song, and feel so comfortable in my own skin.
Can you hear them come, can you hear them come?

Best Week Ever?!

Yesterday was my last day at Schmitt Music. My coworkers, to my extreme surprise, chipped in to get me a card and one hundred dollars. It made me feel kind of guilty in a weird way. But I'm very grateful either way...
and today kicks off my crazy week of probably-the-most-awesome-and-expensive-yet-still-great time ever. :-D Cloud cult is tonight! ahhhh! Easily one of the best live bands ever. I'm extremely excited.
Then tomorrow I get to climb into an 8 hour bus ride with a few pretty awesome people. Tuesday night is Modest Mouse, which is a band I've been wanting to see for many many years. :-D Wednesday will be another long bus ride home, and then thursday night will be a bit of a rest day... then thursday night I get on another bus with Mr. Jarid Waniger and wander aimlessly around Chicago in the wee hours of friday morning. Hopefully we can stop in and see some museums. Then friday and saturday night will be dedicated to Nine Inch Nails. I'm sort of unbelievably excited for these two shows. They are going to be quite small and intimate with much longer sets. Not to mention its quite likely the last time I'll ever see Mr. Reznor preform, at least under this alias. Then another long bus ride home sunday (a total of approximately 36 hours on a bus) and then i have until thursday to get packed and move to my dorm.
HOLY SHIT.

Just something to relieve the stress.

In the morning you might role over to look at the clock before grudgingly deciding to awake for the day. You might pick up your phone and scroll through the new messages, most of which are impersonal messages from twitter. Strangely enough there was also a missed phone call from your dad. You don't think much of it as you stumble half-blindly into the bathroom. But then your mind becomes more alert and you start to remember. Your dad told you last night that his fathers surgery was pushed up. They decided his surgery was important enough to risk a clot and forgo the planned month of blood thinners. Now that missed call seems rather important. You try to remain focused on your morning routine but your mind can't help but drift. When you return to your room, your phone, sitting haphazardly on the bed, is like an unwelcome beacon of attention. You choose to put the imminent phone call off and turn instead to your laptop. As you lay on your bed you realize that your heart is racing. It becomes exceedingly hard to distract yourself from the drumming in your chest. You dig your phone out from the strewn-about covers. Your now shakey hands makes scrolling to the proper number a challenge. Your dad answers sounding anxious. He hasn't heard yet either. So there is not yet any news, bad or good. But your damn heart won't stop its internal rampage.

oh woe is me.

Alright, I hope I don't end up sounding whiney by the end of this. I am nervous, anxious, and stressed about everything college related right now.
Firstly, apparently UMD believes my family to be rich. According to my financial aid awards, I am receiving my $4000 a year from scholarships and thats it. No loans of any kind. I do have another $1000 dollars scholarship coming, but still 16 grand out of pocket is ludicrous. I'm sure its a mistake and I am hoping I can get it cleared up by tomorrow. But what if it isn't? I really can't go to UMD if thats the case. I couldn't even go to AR at this point because the registration date has passed. I should stop freaking myself out.
Secondly, assuming I get problem number one worked out, My text book situation is quite intimidating. The UMD bookstore is far from helpful, with extremely limited information about the text books themselves available. Also, my text books would have been North of $800 if I purchased the books from there. I realize this is just how it is with text books... but thats terrible. I've been investigating half.ebay.com, but any other suggestions?
Thirdly, I'm actually a little sad about leaving home. I'm actually happy here. I'm getting along with my step mom for a change. My parents are giving me more freedoms then ever. I have regular income. I guess basically I have most of the perks of adulthood with few of the ishy factors. I like to think I'm an open minded person but this change is a bit rattling...
Don't get me wrong, I'm REALLY excited about going off to school. It will be fun to meet new people and entering a (hopefully) better learning environment. And ya know... have my independence.
Basically I'm worrying. And stressing myself out. Ahhh!