10:53

Judging Judging Judging. Its as though my mind processes a new judgment or annalysis in rhythm of the second had ticking on my strangely red clock. It is advertising Coca-Cola. I don't understand the random gifts my dad tends to get me but I really like them. I hope someday I can find such random and generally useful things to give. But who will I give them to? I don't really anticipate having children... but I suppose that may change. Who is to say I know anything about what I want right now. I might say that but probably because I am too stuborn to not say it. Because I know everything. My analysis of behavior is unrelentingly perfect. Ha. wouldn't that make life awesome and easy. Probably too easy. And God, if there is one, knows I like a challenge. What do you think out there? What does your clock look like?

Just a few questions.

What if i were to write a masterpiece in this bizarre little white box, just off of the tips of my fingers... and a malfunction of sorts caused it to be lost forever?
How is it that the ones I love are often the ones I hate?
Why do things always seem ironic? Shouldn't we get use to things going awry?
Who still believes in Santa Claus? I hope I do.
Where does better live? Is it near here?
When will pigs fly? If this happens, does that mean that Hell is real and is currently freezing?

effort is not enough.

There once was a young boy with aspirations. He wanted to paint, but he had no talent. But he tried REAL hard and he got somewhere... No where too far or high, but he achieved.
There was also a young girl with nothing. No motivation, no hopes, no dreams. She did have natural ability, however. She could sit at her easel and quickly replicate the most intricate of landscapes, still lifes or portraits. But she did not care. She did this simply to do. Her talent turned her into an icon. Her fame exceed her efforts exponentially. How cruel that she was allowed to sucessfully continue life without proper meaning. How sick that he was denied true sucess despite his best efforts.

Ahhh mediocrity!

I wish there was an effective method of etching this emotion into my memories! This absolute contentment is almost overwhelming. It is almost better than feeling happy because happy is caused by one specific factor or maybe a few. The feeling will most likely fade as the novelty of whatever object or situation fades. However contentment is being good with whatever it is you have. In general there isn't much bad on your plate, but perhaps nothing too good either. So maybe this feeling won't fade quite as quickly. Maybe I won't wake in the morning with a vague echo of this bliss I now feel. Perhaps I won't have to struggle as hard to capture the emotions I feel in this blog. Because if I am really lucky I won't need help remembering.

I hate naming things.

There is laughter! Though the day is sunless my back feels warm when it faces the window. The haze in my mind allows me to examin the freckles of rain speckling everything. The moistness hugs me closely. The rhythm of the pencils of a dilligent class is a lullaby. One wrong note after another, but the whole is still good. Lucid thoughts devouring more than their fair share of the world results in a lopsided life. Time wastes away while the world waits beyond the glass panes.

strange

What a bizarre day I am having. I didn't go to first hour. I was really distracted in orchestra. Trig was actually cool even though I missed yesterday. Douchey kid sat with us at lunch again. I am hoping this does not become a trend. I arrived home and found out I actually have no new online quizzes due for my night class tonight, but an entire paper. I got a text I didn't expect. I got interrupted while leaving a phone message for the UMD Orchestra director. My mom should be here by now... she is not answering her phone. I was suppose to be hanging with Jessica Leo but I have a feeling that is going to fall through. Just lots of weird things. I just want to sit in a room and read a story that doesn't end.

Once upon a time

I spoke to my father one particularly gloomy day. I asked him how he could stand the mundainness of life.... Didn't he get bored?

He responded that over the years he has found that when life is boring, nothing bad is happening. Therefore, life is good.

I am so mixed when i think about this. Life for me right now, is boring... and yes, I suppose overall it IS good. But do I want to settle for this? Is boring the most I can expect out of life if it means avoiding pain?

No. I can expect more, I can be disapointed, I can learn to cope with the bad... I've done these things. I'm still not sure where I stand.

A few old Haikus to start things off...

I enjoy writing haikus from time to time. Often I intend them to be humorous or silly. :-D

10/07/08
Reading can fulfil
but when one must read often
it can destroy worlds

11/03/08
How can music be
the sustinence unto my
existence forever?

An how about a new one...

03/09/09
Heat under and out
frost on the window sill
a contrast designed.